So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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