This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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