omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
