dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
