If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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