I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
