All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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