i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
