I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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