You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize