tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
