apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
