Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.