my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
