I haven't been this sober since birth.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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