I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
