like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
