I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
