Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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