I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
