is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
