i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
