i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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