dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
