I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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