having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
