Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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