i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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