high people should be assigned attendants
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
