I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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