she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
