you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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