just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
