my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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