Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
