I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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