i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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