Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
