my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
