oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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