My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
