Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
