to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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