sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
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Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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