So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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