I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
