That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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