My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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