So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
