My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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