he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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