i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
