is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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