he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drunk is not a location!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
