Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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