Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
