I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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